The Shadow That Shouldn’t Exist: A Parent’s Reflection on Guilt, Love, and Seeing Her Clearly

There’s something haunting about a shadow stretched across a sidewalk—the way it lingers, the way it follows, the way it exists without truly being noticed. This is what it feels like to be the child who stands in the background, watching life unfold around them, waiting to be seen. For years, my daughter has been that shadow. Not because I didn’t love her, but because life kept pulling my attention elsewhere. Her sibling needed me more. Not because she was more deserving, but because circumstances demanded it—mental illness, struggles, now pregnancy. And in the midst of all that, my other daughter stood strong, independent, patient. She never asked for more, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t need it. The Love That Was Always There She knows I love her. I tell her all the time—how proud I am, how she’s growing into a beautiful young woman, how much she means to me. And she shows me love in return. This year, for my birthday, she surprised me with a cake she made herself, along with three bags of carefully chosen gifts. She gave me love—not just in words, but in action. She never doubted my love. She never stopped showing up. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t feel the absence of attention. Breaking the Cycle, Even Now The guilt will always be there, but it doesn’t have to define our future. I see her now, fully. And while I can’t rewrite the past, I can make sure the present tells a different story. I will not let another year pass without her knowing she is a priority. I will celebrate her victories with the same enthusiasm I once reserved for fixing problems. I will make space for her, intentionally—not just in passing, but in meaningful ways. Because she deserves it. Not just because she waited, but because she is extraordinary. Because she has spent too long proving her strength without being truly recognized. The Child Who Was Never Forgotten She might have been overlooked in moments, but she was never forgotten. And moving forward, that love she has always given so freely? It will be fully returned—not just in words, but in presence, in time, in the attention she always deserved. Because she is just as worthy, just as important. And now, she will never again have to wonder if she matters just as much.